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Perform This Way
Weird Al Yankovic

My mama told me when I was hatched
Act like a superstar
Save your allowance, buy a bubble dress
And someday you will go far
Now on red carpets, well, I'm hard to miss
The press follows everywhere I go
I'll poke your eye out with a dress like this
Back off and enjoy the show!

I'm sure my critics will say it's a grotesque display
Well, they can bite me, baby -- I perform this way
I might be wearin' Swiss cheese or maybe covered with bees
It doesn't mean I'm crazy -- I perform this way

Ooo, my little monsters pay... lots 'cause I perform this way
Baby, I perform this way
Ooo, don't worry, I'm okay... hey, I just perform this way
I'm not crazy, I perform this way

I'll be a troll or evil queen
I'll be a human jelly bean
'Cause every day is Halloween
For me...

I'm so completely original
My new look is all the rage
I'll wrap my small intestines 'round my neck
And set fire to myself on stage
I'll wear a porcupine on my head
On a W-H-I-M
And for no reason now I'll sing in French
Excusez-moi, Qui a pйtй? (Who cut the cheese?)

Got my straight jacket today, it's made of gold lamй
No, not because I'm crazy - I perform this way
I strap prime rib to my feet, cover myself with raw meat
I'll bet you've never seen a skirt steak worn this way

Don't be offended when you see
My latest pop monstrosity
I'm strange, weird, shocking, odd, bizarre
I'm Frankenstein, I'm Avatar
There's nothing too embarrassing
I'll honestly do anything
But wear white after Labor Day
'Cause baby, I perform this way

Hope you won't think it's clichй if I go nude today
Don't call the cops now, baby, I perform this way
No reason I should regret all the attention I get
I'm not completely crazy, I perform this way, yeah

I perform this way-hey, I perform this way-hey
I'm always deviating from the norm this way-hey
I perform this way-hey, I perform this way-hey
I'm really not insane -- I just perform this way-hey
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Lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic

  (This Song's Just) Six Words Long   1985 Food Medley - 01 - It's Moldy Now   1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor   1985 Food Medley - 03 - Steak Number 3   1985 Food Medley - 04 - Burger King   1985 Food Medley - 05 - Don't You Forget About Mea...   1985 Food Medley - 06 - Girls Just Want To Have Lu...   1985 Food Medley - 07 - The Rye And The Kaiser   1985 Food Medley - 08 - I Love Rocky Road   1985 Food Medley - 09 - Spameater   1985 Food Medley - 10 - I Feel Like Throwin' Up   1985 Food Medley - 11 - Avocado   1985 Food Medley - 12 - Whole Lotta Lunch   1985 Food Medley - 13 - Bologna   A Complicated Song   A Complicated Song (Parody of "Complicated" by Avr...   Aardvark   Achy Breaky Song   Addicted To Spuds   Airline Amy   Albuquerque   Alimony   Alligator   Alternative Polka   American Slob   Amish Paradise   Amish Paradise (Parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by ...   Amish Paridise   Amoeba   Angry White Boy Polka   Angry White Boy Polka (Medley)   Another One Rides The Bus   Another One Rides the Bus [Live]   Another Tattoo   Another Tattoo [Video]   Attack Of The Radioactive Hampster From A Planet N   Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N   Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N...   Avocado   Baby Got Jack   Baby Likes Burping   Barney's On Fire   Barney's On Fire   Bedrock Anthem   Belvedere Cruising   Bob   Bob (best version)   Bohemian Polka   Bologna   Bomb Sadam   Born To Be Mild   Buckingham Blues   Burger King   Buy Me A Condo   Cable TV   Cabletv   Callin' In Sick   Callin\' In Sick   Callin' In Sick   Canadian Idiot   Canadian Idiot   Cat's In The Kettle   Cavity Search   Cavity Search (Parody of "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss...   Cheerios Apple Jacks Cheerios   Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios   Chewbacca What A Wookie   Chicken Pot Pie   Christmas At Ground Zero   Christmas Memories Of 'Weird Al' Yankovic   Christmas Memories Of "Weird Al" Yankovic   Christmas Memories of & Quot;Weird Al & Qu...   Christmas Memories Or Weird Al Yankovic   Close but No Cigar   Close But No Cigar   CNR   Cockroaches   Cockroachs   Confessions Part III   Confessions Part III   Confessions Part III   Constipated   Constipated (AAvril Lavigne "Complicated" parody)   Couch Potato   Cows With Guns   Craigslist   Crampton Comes Alive   Dare To Be Stupid   Dead Car Battery Blues   Do I Creep You Out   Do I Creep You Out   Dog Eat Dog   Don't Download This Song   Don't Touch That   Don't Wear Those Shoes   Don't You Forget About Meat   Don't Download This Song   Don't Touch That   Don't Wear Those Shoes   Don't You Forget About Meat   Dr. Demento Radio Promo   Dr. Demento's 15Th Anniversary Special   Dr. Demento's 15Th Anniversary Special   E-Bay   Eat It   Eat It!   Ebay   Elmo's Got A Gun   Everything You Know Is Wrong   Fast Food   Fat   Fatter   Finale   First World Problems   Flatbush Avenue   Foil   food medley as performed in 1985 - 01   food medley as performed in 1985 - 02   food medley as performed in 1985 - 03   food medley as performed in 1985 - 04   food medley as performed in 1985 - 05   food medley as performed in 1985 - 06   food medley as performed in 1985 - 07   food medley as performed in 1985 - 08   food medley as performed in 1985 - 09   food medley as performed in 1985 - 10   food medley as performed in 1985 - 11   food medley as performed in 1985 - 12   food medley as performed in 1985 - 13   Frank's 2000' Tv   Frank's 2000" Tv   Frank's 2000\" TV   Frank's 2000" Tv   Free Delivery   Fun Zone   Gandhi Ii   Gee, I'm A Nerd   Gee, I'm A Nerd   Generic Blues   Genious In France   Genius in France   George Of The Jungle   Germs   Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch   Girls Just Want to Have Lunch   Good Enough For Now   Good Old Days   Gotta Boogie   Grapefruit Diet   Grapefruit Diet (Parody of "Zoot Suit Riot" By Che...   Gravy On You   Green Eggs & Ham   Green Eggs And Ham   Gump   Gump (Parody of "Lump" by the Presidents of the Un...   Handy   Happy Birthday   Hardware Store   Harvey The Wonder Hamster   Headline News   Headline News (Version 2)   Headline News (Version 3)   Here's Johnny   Here's Johnny   Hit Me With A Rock   Holiday Greetings 1987   Holiday Greetings 1988   Homer & Marge   Homer And Marge   Hooked On Polkas   Hooker On A Corner   Hooker On Corner   Hummingbirds   I Can't Watch This   I Can't Watch This   I Feel Like Throwin' Up   I Feel Like Throwin' Up   I Hate Big Butts   I Lost On Jeopardy   I Love Rocky Road   I Remember Larry   I Think I'm A Clone Now   I Think I'm A Clone Now   I Want A New Duck   I Want It That Way   I Was Only Kidding   I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead   I'll Repair For You   I'll Repair For You ( A Theme For Home Improvement...   I'll Sue Ya   I'm Fat   I'm So Sick Of You   I\'m So Sick Of You   I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead   I'll Repair For You   I'll Sue Ya   I'm So Sick Of You   If I Could Make Love To A Bottle   If That Isn't Love   If That Isn't Love   Iguana   Im a Wigga   Im The Only Gay Eskimo   Inactive   Introduction   Introduction - Carnival Of The Animals Part Two   Isle Thing   It's All About The Pentiums   It's All About the Pentiums (An Adaptation of "It'...   It's Christmas At Ground Zero   It's Moldy Now   It's Still Billy Joel To Me   It\'s All About The Pentiums   It's All About The Pentiums   It's Moldy Now   It's Still Billy Joel To Me   Its All About The Pentiums   Jackson Park Express   Jerry Springer   Jerry Springer (Parody of "One Week" By BareNaked ...   Jurassic Park   Kidstar 1250 Radio Promotion   King Of Suede   Lame Claim To Fame   Lasagna   Laundry Day   Leisure Suit Serenade   Let Me Be Your Hog   Let's Bomb Iraq   Like A Surgeon   Livin' In The Fridge   Living With A Hernia   Llama Song   Make My Boobies 1 More Size   Make My Boobies One More Size   Matter Of Crust   Melanie   Midnight Star   Midnight Star [*]   Mission Statement   Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm   Money For Nothing, Beverly Hillbillies   Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies   Mr Frump In The Iron Lung   Mr Popiel   Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung   Mr. Popeil   My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Baby\'s In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Bologna   My Own Eyes   Nature Trail To Hell   Never Met A Person As Wonderful As Me   Night Santa Went Crazy   Nobody Here But Us Frogs   Now That's What I Call Polka   NOW That's What I Call Polka!   Now That's What I Call Polka   Ode to a Superhero   One More Minute   One Of Those Days   Pac Man   Pacman   Pancreas   Pancreas   Party at the Leper Colony   Party In The CIA   Party In The CIA   Phoney Calls   Phony Calls   Phony Calls (Parody of "Waterfalls" by TLC)   Pigeons   Please Don't Wear Your Thong (Thong Song Parody)   Polka Face   Polka Face   Polka Face   Polka Party   Polka Party!   Polka Party!   Polka Patterns   Polka Power!   Polka Your Eyes Out   Polkamon   Polkarama!   Polkas On 45   Poodle   Pretty Fly For A Rabbi   Pretty Fly For A Rabi   RealRadio 104.1   Rice, Rice Baby   Ricky   Ringtone   Rocky Road   Rye Or The Kaiser   School Cafeteria - Version 1   School Cafeteria - Version 2   Shark   She Drives Like Crazy   She Never Told Me She Was A Mime   Since You're Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone - Live   Since You\'ve Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone   Six Words Long   Skipper Dan   Slime Creatures From Outer Space   Smells Like Nirvana   Smoke A Bowl   Smoke A Bowl (Coca Cola Parody)   Snack All Night   Snails   Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut   Spam   Spameater   Spatula City   Sports Song   Spy Hard   Spy Hard (theme From The Motion Picture Spy Hard)   Star Wars Cantina   Star Wars Copa Cabana   Star Wars Gangsta Rap   Star Wars Gangster Rap   Star Wars: The Saga Begins   Steak Number 3   Stop Draggin' My Car Around   Stop Draggin' My Car Around   Stop Dragging My Car Around   Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me   Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White   Such A Groovy Guy   Syndicated Inc.   Syndicated Inc. (Parody of "Misery" by Soul Asylum...   Tacky   Taco Grande   Take Me Down   Take Me To The Liver   Take The "L" Out Of Liver   Talk Soup   That Boy could Dance   The Alternative Polka   The Backwards Section From Nature Trail To Hell   The Ballad Of Kent Marlow   The Beer Song   The Beverly Hillbillies Miss You   The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota   The Brady Bunch   The Check's In The Mail   The Check's In The Mail   The Devil Went Down To Jamaica   The Hot Rocks Polka   The Jedi song   The Night Santa Went Crazy   The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory Version)   The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory)   The Plumbing Song   The Rye And The Kaiser   The Saga Begins   The Saga Begins (american Pie Adaptiton)   The Saga Begins (Lyrical Adaption of "American Pie...   The Weird Al Show Theme   The White Stuff   The Yoda Chant   Theme From Rocky XIII   Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)   Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)   This Is The Life   Title of The Song in Question   TMZ   TMZ   Toothless People   Traffic Jam   Trapped in the Drive-Thru   Trapped In The Drive-Thru   Trapped in the Drive-Thru   Trash Day   Trash Day (Parody of "Hot in Herre" by Nelly)   Trigger Happy   Truck Drivin' Song   Truck Drivin\' Song   Truck Drivin' Song   TV Tan   Twister   Ugly Girl   Ugly Girl (Barbie Girl Parody)   Ugly Irl   UHF   UHF [Single Version]   Unicorn   Velvet Elvis   Virus Alert   Vulture   Waffle King   Walking Around In Women's Underwear   Wanna B Ur Lovr   Wannabe Stromtrooper   We Got The Beef   We're All Gay (backstreet Boys)   Weasel Stomping Day   Weasel Stomping Day   Weenie In A Bottle   Weird Al - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi   What If God Smoked Cannabis   Whatever You Like   When I Was Your Age   Which Backstreet Boy is Gay   White & Nerdy   White & Nerdy   White & Nerdy   White And Nerdy   Whole Lotta Lunch   Why Does This Always Happen To Me?   Windows 95 Sucks!   With Legs Wide Open   Won't Eat Prunes Again   Word Crimes   Yo!!! This Is A Digrace   Yoda   Yoda Chant   You Don't Love Me Anymore   You Don't Take Your Showers   You Don't Love Me Anymore   You Light Up My Life   You Make Me   You're Pitiful   Young, Dumb & Ugly   Young, Dumb & Ugly   Young, Dumb, and Ugly   your horoscope 4 today   Your Horoscope For Today